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5 Thoughts to Have as Memorial Day Approaches

Happy Memorial Day

– uhm no one ever really says that do they? No, not really. Traditionally Memorial Day is a day of remembrance –A day to remember those who died while in active duty serving our country. First, I want to thank those who served and protected us, which affords us certain freedoms that others only dream of having.

However, on this Memorial Day I am proposing a twist – in conjunction with remembering our fallen heroes let’s celebrate our daily heroes – our elders and caregivers. Let us share some flowers with those who are with us that have sacrificed and served and helped to make someone’s life better. For many Memorial Day marks the unofficial start to summer. People are getting ready to don their aprons and BBQ hats to fire up the grill. For this weekend, let your focus be on someone else and help create memories for the days to come.

Here are 5 Quick Tips to Remember a Senior and/or Caregiver:

Let us not forget those who may sick, grieving a loss, shut-in or alone.
Look in on a senior: Call an elderly relative, stop by and drop off some BBQ.
Call a friend or family member who’s a caregiver and let them know that you are thinking of them. Chances are they have been busy and don’t get a day off like everyone else.
If you have a BBQ at your home – Invite them. They may say yes and even if they say no, I bet they will enjoy knowing that someone is thinking of them. It might just lift their spirits.
If a loved one has passed on, think of how you can do something to honor them –Look at old photos, recall funny stories, or make a new tradition to pay homage to them on that day.

What are some ways that you can help remember a loved one? Please share in the comments.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 4

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 9 tips check out part 1, part 2, & part 3.)

Stop:

10. Telling yourself you’ll take care of it tomorrow. (Estate planning, financial planning, etc.) DO IT NOW!

We’re not promised tomorrow. You don’t want to be stuck at the last minute with a family member who’s incapacitated without authority to make decisions on their behalf. At the very least obtain a power of attorney and fill out a healthcare proxy. If you want to take a more individual review, you can book a session and we can examine your situation.

11. Being an emotional decision maker.

Being a caregiver has its challenges and I understand how tough it is to see your loved one be in a feeble position and there’s not much you can do to make them feel better.
Try not to let your emotions cloud your judgement when it comes to money, and managing your household.
Think about what’s in the best interest for the person at hand. i.e. If the person is diabetic, then buying sugar filled sodas and candy may not be the best thing to support their diet. They may lay the guilt trip “I’m sick anyway…” but that can severely impact their quality of life if you constantly give in.

12. Not putting yourself first. Please know that self-care is not selfish (You’ll hear me saying this a lot because I learned that this is so true.)

Surrendering who you are, what’s important to you and why and not exploring any of these areas is not good!
You were a whole person with desires and dreams before you became a caregiver and will still be one when you transition out of that role. (Yes it will happen- it’s just part of the caregiver life cycle.)
You deserve to have space to pursue and have a joyful and joy filled life. It takes intention and trust me you’ll be happier and able to better care for others if you can allow yourself the time.

Over this 4-part series we explored everything from productivity, managing finances, self-care, emotions, legal stuff, rest, decisions, time and health as it relates to you and caregiving. It’s a juggling balance and sometimes things shift in favor of one area more than others. Having a good grasp on your needs will help you to make the best decisions and have a happier life. I hope you’ve picked up a few things and it provoked some thought. Remember caring for yourself is not selfish (remember I said you’ll hear this a lot from me. I’m also reminding myself too 😉 ) Be sure to catch part 1, part 2, & part 3 as there are some golden nuggets that you don’t want to miss.
Feel free to share some of the things that you’ve learned on your journey.

Until next time.

Be Well,
Denise

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 3

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 6 tips check out part 1 and part 2.)

Stop:

7. Taking too much risk (and risk your way to the poor house) with that “You can’t take it with you mentality or YOLO (you only live once as the millennials love to say these days.)

What happens is that you’ll risk yourself to the poor house.
This is not to say that you shouldn’t have fun and take respites see prior point # 6) but you need to be aware of what you need, what’s require and how carelessness impacts your present and ultimately your future.
You may want to live all of your life now because you don’t want to be like grandma who never left the house. Just be aware of situations and circumstances. There are times for everything. Be mindful of what season of life that you are in and how that impacts what you do today and how the decisions you make will affect you and your family’s well-being.

8. Being underinsured (Or being over-insured)

Knowing what your own personal health insurance coverage provides is important. There has been some major changes and with the new administration, you can expect that there will be more to come – and it may not be in your favor.
Learn what type of coverage that your elder or loved one has and assess if they have what you need. Do you know what are the important requirements for insurance coverage for a sick person?

9. Saving too much (Wait what? Yes see below!)

You need to enjoy life while you are living. Have you heard of that old saying “You can’t take it with you?” How many people go into the ground with the intention of I’ll take that vacation when I retire. Then they retire and find themselves home bound with a chronic ailment and filled with regret because they didn’t enjoy life while they were younger. (Ok this is a bit dramatic, but I’ve seen this happen firsthand.) So what’s the solution? Allow yourself to have some respite moments. If you have kids and/or are caring for an elder – take a trip and arrange for coverage. Burning the candle at both ends is not good for the people around you if you’re health is compromised. Trust me a break is necessary!
Being too frugal will leave you strapped being experience less and life poor. A miserly existence can be miserable, but that doesn’t mean you should not save and use wisdom at all or do something completely outrageous.

This is the third post in a series of four. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers – Part 2

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing: (If you missed the first 3 tips check out part 1 here)

Stop:

4. Making decisions based on the media – social media, news or any other type of media.

Constantly engaging in this type of media will have you constantly spinning your wheels and forces you to move and make decisions out of fear.
Be careful of the source and the validity of the information.

5. Worrying about the many things that are outside of your control. ( Confession folks – I’m still working on this one but acknowledging is half the battle 😉

Things will happen as they may. Let’s face it, most of what you worry about doesn’t even happen. Am I right?
Worry is like sitting in a rocking chair – You are moving but you aren’t going anywhere!!!! (Memo to self – stop rocking and start rolling – you have much to do 😉 )

6. Don’t get caught up in “they say” (Ok ok.. pause here – Truth moment: I get caught up here too). Here’s my question – Who is “they”? and why am I trying to do everything that “they say”? Hmmm!!

They probably did “that” because that was best in “that” moment for “their” situation. But it may not be the best course of action for you. Take it in but only apply if it works for you.
It’s ok if you choose a different route or option. Don’t allow yourself to feel guilty if you choose to do something different other than what family or friends recommend. They may have the best of intentions but it may not be the right option for your situation.
Some things need to be tailored to your specific situation ie: estate planning, care planning, disease management, etc. Consult an expert and don’t be subject to someone’s suggested “rules of thumb”. It may or just may not apply.

This is the 2nd post in a series of 4. Stay tuned for the next installment.

Top 12 Secrets of Happier Caregivers

So you fell into this role and you’re basically flying by the seat of your pants. I know it’s tough. You may receive lots or very little advice from friends and loved ones. You may even read what’s in the news and that leads you to feel anxious or filled with worry. Believe me I’ve been there and I still have my moments. However, you can’t help others if your cup stays empty because it’s being drained by people, places or things that you’ve made a priority over what’s really important.

I learned a few things over the years. Here are some of the top secrets of what you’ve got stop doing in order to master this caregiving thing:

STOP:

1. Making decisions based on the news & current events

This leads to scary, defeatous thoughts and anxiety – You deserve peace and joy in your daily life.
Watch the news less, try not to consume it before bed for a more restful sleep.

2.Trying to time the right time to get or do something

The best time is right NOW! – Point blank. There doesn’t ever seem to be a good time to do anything. I’m still learning this!
There will always be something that comes up and will always be pulling you in different directions. Carve out time and get it done NOW!

3. Basing things solely on past occurrences.

- The only thing that is constant is change.
- Life is a fluid thing, if we only rely on reflection on thngs that we did or didn’t do, we can never move forward. Breathe, accept and let it go.
- Plan for reasonable goals with realistic time frames, not based on other people’s experiences. What do you need? What do you want? No more excuses!

Design a plan that allows you to have joy in your life. Constantly doing everything for others and not doing anything for yourself leaves you on empty.

Remember you must fill your cup!

This is the first post in a series of four. Stay tuned for next the installment.