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A Look Inside Into How I Became Better

It can be tough to sit back and watch your loved one’s health deteriorate. I know it was for me. Daily, I watched my

parents struggle with deteriorating health and observed how the strong people that used to take care of me now needed me to take care of them. Yet, I had to come to terms that this was a new normal and I had to get to point where I had achieved a level of acceptance. In the beginning, I had lots of fear and resistance. I felt a type of loneliness or some type of distress, as I wondered how I would deal with this situation. I mean this is not what I was supposed to be dealing with. At times I felt angry. Some of this was misdirected fear that was manifesting itself as anger [with God – yes I admit I thought this!] for allowing this to happen and making this situation come up at the most inconvenient time in my life. I mean while everyone was planning trips and going on to the next stages in their social and family life, here I was running from doctor’s offices to specialist visits and dealing with extended hospital stays. Questions like why now? Why me? Why them? Began to surface in the forefront of my mind. I admit, I didn’t want to deal with it. I sat in a period of denial which forced me to gloss over the situation because I truly didn’t want to believe that this was real. But it was. There came a time where I could no longer function in a level of denial and I had to step up to the plate and make some hard decisions. After all, I was an only child and now both of my parents needed me. I knew I had to step in and become the primary decision maker they needed and not be so focused on just myself.

I wondered what gave me the authority to be the head of someone else’s life. Why did I have to adorn this responsibility? Truth be told -I was, as a young adult, just getting the hang of being responsible for myself. It’s like I was thrust into the fire pit and didn’t have the ability to put out the fire because I didn’t have any water and the air was dry. At some point I realized that I had to take a deep breath and then let go and begin to organize. I learned to just take one step at a time. I’ve made it through the multiple surgeries, extended hospital stays and rehab visits for not only one but two parents, who at one point were in the hospital simultaneously. I learned to accept that challenges will come. However, with careful planning and mental and emotional preparation, I was able to get through this and if you are going through something similar you can get through this too. It made me more resilient and toughened me up. I sought the support of others in similar situations in a caregiver support group, where I was able to connect with those who could understand. I learned that it’s important to not isolate myself. I also learned that it was key to set aside time for myself. A little bit of solo time and time spent with others away from the caregiving situation goes a long way. Giving of myself made me into a better person – more compassionate and empathetic and understanding. It allowed become an advocate and be a voice for others. I never would have thought that by saying yes and accepting this call, that this experience would help me to evolve into a better version of myself. Caregiving will mold you like a piece of clay into a fine piece of pottery –imperfections and all. This is what will make you great.

Don’t Just Sit There! Start Doing For Yourself What You Do For Others!

Do you ever notice that you will work hard at something for someone else? Why is it that you can be dedicated to do something you are good at when you are working for someone else?

You will work day in and day out, and study to perfect your craft, for whatever it may be, to climb the ladder to achieve a status for some kind of outside validation. But challenge yourself to to that very thing with the same level of dedication and you run out of steam.

You become too tired -One reason may be that you are putting that energy toward things outside yourself.

Take me for example, I write for a living and I’m supposed to be writing for pleasure on a daily basis… but.. I won’t finish it here because it will just be an excuse that I shouldn’t give legs to move.

So what are you doing?

Are you pouring all your energy into pursuits that benefit others?

-or-

Are you pouring into yourself by giving yourself time to replenish?

Seek to do things that give you joy and serve as a vehicle where you can get lost. This will leave you feeling energized and then the fruits of your labor will sprout, grow, and expand.

You will reap what you sow. Don’t sow all your seeds into something that doesn’t feed your joy.

Your experience will be nurtured by the thoughts and actions you are fed.

Remember to be kind to yourself.

A Not So Random Encounter

This happens more often than you would think. Normally I would not share but I felt like putting pen to paper.

Just remember this -how you treat people whether they are familiar, a stranger, friend or foe matters. ~Denise Bampoe

So I’m walking into the office building and this guy was ahead of me who was also coming in from the parking lot. He never held the door even though he was just steps ahead of me. You know that women as a collective.. must carry an entourage with us..lol So here I come with my purse, lunch bag and an extra bag with sneakers for my lunchtime walk along with my tea mug in hand….. Annnnnnd boom he plows through the two double glass doors… “I know you see me behind you..but I don’t matter right?”, I said to myself. I continue walking because I usually take the stairs since it’s a healthy choice and the elevator takes forever especially in the morning. I feel bad since I only have to go up one floor. But I digress…

Any who…..guy continues just ahead of me and goes up the stairs and in similar fashion fails to hold the stairwell door and then comes to a dead stop. He has no pass and can’t gain entry into the office. I arrive just after he abruptly let the door close behind him. But now who’s stuck????? I have the key. He then realized that I was going to the same place and that I have access…hmm I guess I must be somebody. I look in my purse for my pass and without me saying a word, he begins to apologize and explains that he works with so and so and his team member wasn’t there to let him in. I just look at him and gather that he’s either new or a consultant. You see -he’s entering a restricted access area and that would indicate that he didn’t belong there. We’re generally told to direct anyone without a pass to enter via the reception area so someone can verify their need to access the premises, especially since we work with sensitive information and security is a high priority. His team member finally came to the door. But wait -you should recognize that I only got an acknowledgement aka an unsolicited apology once he needed entry and realized that I had the key.

I am not invisible. I do matter. I am a woman, a wife, a daughter and a caregiver. Just because you don’t know me or anything about my background, my education level or pedigree doesn’t mean that I don’t have access. I think that maybe I should have said, ” Oh my name is Denise and I work on this team and with so and so..” to establish that I have a title and position. I did not and no I really don’t think that should be necessary as I do belong and should be seen for who I am. I should not be dismissed for what appears to a select few as an inconvenient encounter.

Who or what do you let define you?

Declare today that you need no one’s approval and carry on holding your head high and walk in God’s authority.

What Independence Means to Some

Merriam-Webster defines independence as the quality or state of being independent ;or not subject to control by others; or not requiring or relying on something else : not contingent; or not requiring or relying on others (as for care or livelihood).

This week we celebrate Independence Day on the 4^th of July here in the US to mark the anniversary of the publication of the Declaration of Independence from Great Britain in 1776. This represented the freeing of Americans from British Rule. While we commemorate what some would call a great memory many years ago – I ask you to reflect on what led up to this point. It was a difference in opinion in the governing minds, mostly among the overarching authority. Many may recall some of the opening remarks to Lincoln’s famous speech- the Gettysburg address several years later –

“Four score and seven years ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived in Liberty, and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal. Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated, can long endure. We are met on a great battle-field of that war. ….”

There are some of you who may be waging a war – it could be an internal one, maybe not knowing what to do as you face a situation as your loved one struggles to assert their independence while you try to keep them safe. It’s funny that this tug of war – a one of independence -reminds me of a situation I encountered with my Dad. He wanted to be treated the same as if nothing had changed but the reality was that it had.

I recall a time when I finally had to take the car keys. He wanted to drive and I was a concerned daughter. I noticed that his reflexes weren’t as sharp as they used to be and that could be dangerous when you need to be able to react quickly. A simple discussion filled with a pleading of concern was not enough. Was this a situation that he could no longer endure? The answer was becoming apparent, it was a safety hazard. Could I have that on my heart that something could have been prevented if I could stop it? I no longer could hold back my concern and had to assert my authority. We met on that great battle field and so began a new normal – a new nation. I no longer allowed him to transport himself to his treatments but provided an alternate arrangement of transportation that would keep him and everyone else safe. The keys and the car was a symbol of the last bit of independence he had as he didn’t have to rely on someone else, but now that was going to be a need. Giving up those items was met with great resistance but eventually he warmed up to it. I guess because he had no choice but to accept it. I really think he had to come to terms that his independence while it was hindered somewhat, it wasn’t totally taken away. What I had to do was ensure that he was safe. Sometimes it’s a hard decision to make but it was for the best.

Is there something that you are thinking about or concerned about concerning the future of a loved one? Perhaps you’ve been wanting to scale back the driving habits of a loved one or maybe it’s something else at home that’s of greater concern. Do you need a little encouragement or just something to give you an edge of how to prepare for what may be forthcoming in the future? Do see warning signs that keep nudging you that something has to done, maybe an action plan or something to ease into those conversations? To help you get started, I’ve created The Caregiver’s Prep Guide. The prep guide includes a self-assessment to walk you through the questions to ask yourself to get prepared and evaluate what you are already doing and what may be necessary in the future. To find out more visit https://bewellbeswell.com/caregiversprep to get your guide. On this Independence Day, I wish you rest, reflection and I send you encouragement, you can endure and you shall make it through.

How to Take a 1 Day Vacation

Sometimes I feel like I just need to get away to clear my head from the hustle and bustle of the city life. Commune with nature, recalibrate, and take in the sights and greenery just to take a break from the everyday. I took a drive about an hour outside of New York City out to the very east end of Long Island and visited a farm over the weekend to go strawberry picking. I can tell you that this is a far cry from New York City.

As a city girl, I absolutely love doing stuff like this. –I know shocking isn’t it? But –can I tell you that the air was clean and fresh! One thing that I noticed was that my allergies weren’t bothering me all day –no sneezing, coughing, or stuffy head needing something so I could rest medicine! I felt at peace and my only thoughts were concentrating on finding the best strawberries and fill up my little basket.

I usually go apple picking in the fall so at least once a year, I get out of the city limits just to get away for the day. I always see strawberries in the store but I never really knew what it took to get there. It was a cloudy day and threats of rain had me a bit concerned leading up to the weekend because I was going strawberry picking! I mean could you just see this city girl traipsing around in a muddy field trying to pick some strawberries.. oh no! LOL!

But as I’ve learned on this caregiving journey, sometimes you just have to go with the flow and move through the experiences of life. My old track coach used to say, “ Roll with it!” It’s funny how these memories come flooding back to mind. It also happened that this was the last day to pick strawberries at the farm as they are only available during the month of June and I did not want to miss out on this experience.

Luckily we were only sprinkled with a fine mist periodically during the day. I learned that they start planting now and it takes a whole year for the strawberries to get ready for the next harvest. Seed time and harvest time. So interesting that there’s a time for all things. It’s the law of nature – we should not rush the process no matter how much we’d like to. Doing things and consuming things during its appropriate season. So there’s a time to rest, a time to work and a time to play. Even you –yes you my dear deserve a break today!

Now I had to think about what I was going to do with all of these strawberries I gathered. I definitely needed to do something with the fruits of my labor!! LOL! Pinterest to the rescue! I found a banana & strawberry bread recipe. I love banana bread and strawberries can only make it better!

Voila! Hubby helped me make the bread and my Mom helped us eat it!! LOL! She made sure that I cut her a slice to go for her late evening snack. Bake bread and rejoice! Fresh food with pure natural ingredients = a happy healthy family. Who said that food can’t taste good and be real?

Please remember – there’s always tomorrow, take time out to stress less and make memories. Sometimes you just have to roll with it! Even though you may be experiencing a challenge, take time to enjoy the sweetness that life has to offer.

Please share what you do to take a break.