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I Didn’t Realize That My Role Had Reversed

Sometimes roles reverse and you didn’t even notice. It’s the little things you do that make a difference in someone’s life. One thing I started to notice as I was going along is that I was a caregiver and didn’t even know it in the beginning. It really started long before I knew about the concept of “caregiving”.

Actually, during winter break of my senior year of colleg

e, my Dad got sick and went into kidney failure but he was strong and once he came home from the hospital he got back into a routine. I went back to to finish out my last semester. Thank goodness because it was time to take over the world with my new degree! Once I came back home it was a new normal. My Dad would go to work and go to his treatments and that’s how it was. Little did I know that my role would become more important as time went on. He noticed that his work schedule became more grueling along with the treatments and decided to retire. However, he’d still did what he normally did on his own.

I noticed that while he wasn’t sick sick or appeared to be sick, he moved slower and needed more assistance. He still drove but navigating in and out of the car was becoming more of a challenge and I would accompany him on doctor’s appointments when he normally would go on his own. After some time, I noticed that some of the bills were getting paid late and that was because it was beginning to get more cumbersome for him to do it. But if you asked him if everything was ok, he’d say yeah I’m ok. Pride held him back from asking for help. He had to go to the hospital for something so I helped out while he had a stay. It was then I found out that things were not in the best order and I helped set things back on track. After awhile, I just did it. This is what I mean by it just creeps up on you. You just end up doing it and it becomes an activity that you do regularly. My question to you is, have you started doing any of these things?

Helping to clean your parents home?
Helping them fill out paperwork?
Taking them shopping or going shopping for them?
Do you help your parents prepare meals?
Have you noticed that their bills are paid on time?
Have you been assisting with their finances or taking care of stuff at home? Yes or No

Well…… I’ve been reflecting on a myriad of things that I’ve been doing since I was in school. It started as me assisting here and there and evolved into me just doing it because they couldn’t do it. Rather than have you sit there and try to come up with all the things that you are doing or have done, I’ve compiled a few comprehensive lists that will help you review what you’ve been currently doing and what you may need to look out for that may become a need in the future. The 2 key assessments I would recommend to take a look at first are the Self Evaluation and the Elder Assessment which can be found in the Caregiver’s Prep Guide. I wish I had something like this when I was first starting out. It would have helped me be better prepared to help and to know more about what my parents would need in the future from me and in general to make things easier for them in their daily lives.

I’ve learned that sometimes we have experiences so we can help others. If you could be prepared before you needed it would you take those steps? Some things I couldn’t prepare for but now that I know what caring for someone else is like, I can share with you my insight. Just like there’s no handbook for being a parent or embarking on this journey of caring for others but this guide can get you started.

Kitchen Hack: Alternative Fast Food – How You Can Cook 15 Minute Meals at Home

If you’re like me, you need a good home cooked meal. When you’re on the go with work, activities and maybe taking care of the family or checking in on an elder, we tend to skip some meals or healthier options for the sake of time. I’m all for healthy meals but when time is tight you tend to grab whatever is near and say to yourself… “at least I’ve eaten.” I’m a big supporter of eating real food and most times I skip the fast food options. But don’t get me wrong I’ll partake in having a burger from my local shake shack on occasion..lol.. It tastes good and they get their food from a sustainable source and gosh I just love a good burger and toss in an occasional french fry too! But I digress…

You can have these things at home too. I tried out an air fryer and it’s making it easier for me to have faster food at home. Prep is key and having options is also key.

I love my slow cooker –as this has saved me many a day or night with a meal being ready when I get home or when I get up. I decided to try another thing. I’d been hearing about this air fryer and then my coworker planted the seed. I saw some videos and then I just had to get one. Isn’t it funny when you learn about a thing it now shows up everywhere! It was on commercials and shows… this store was having a sale and the infomercial came on several times. I guess I never noticed it before and now it was part of my consciousness.

Quick Science Break: The hubster, who is really into science and technology, explained to me that this air fryer is really a convection oven –sort of like a compact tabletop oven that cooks quickly because it’s smaller. Now Back to the regular scheduled

non-technical post already in progress..

If it was something that was going to make my life easier and help me to cook those mid-week meals faster or that Saturday-I-don’t-really-want-to-cook-a-meal-today because I’m so busy with errands shopping, etc kind of meal, it was something I needed to look into. So I’ve been testing this out and I think it’s a winner! Some of the things I’ve made in the air fryer include lamb chops, fried chicken, roasted sweet corn and Cornish hens. Also, I’ve made french fries, sweet potato fries, and fish fillets (not pictured.)

The verdict is in! This air fryer will get a permanent spot on the counter. Good bye Showtime Rotisserie… yes, I have one of those too!

( I’m sure you’ve seen those chickens spinning around in Costco and thought.. I can make that! Truth is, I use it every so often and I think it’s time to take it off the counter and just pull it out on occasion.)

So no more excuses. You don’t have to skip a home cooked meal because you’ve been tending to a sick elder in the hospital. Eat out occasionally and eat in more. The air fryer concept gets my vote!

What’s your favorite kitchen gadget? Please share below. I’m always willing to try something that can make my life easier!

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Life Lesson #480 – Eventually you have to do it…

So you know that thing…you know that thing…you know..c’mon you know what I’m talking about!!! That conversation that we all need to have …the “talk”. Yes that talk with your parents!

The one that starts with hey Mom, umm do you know what you’re going to do when you retire? Are you ready? It’s that conversation that our parents have been thinking about for years..but guess what they haven’t had it with you!! Yeah that’s right..they’ve spent late nights up..maybe worrying about if they are going to have enough for retirement. Or maybe they’re ok..but you’ve noticed that they may have a “touch of sugar” as the old folks used to say. Maybe they’re taking blood pressure meds and you didn’t even know it. Wait ..wait what..they maybe sneaking in some medication and I don’t know about it!! Yes..uh huh..yeah I said it..they did and didn’t tell you because they didn’t want you to worry.

AAAnd..to tell the truth you really didn’t want to know. Because on some unconscious level you don’t want to think about what would or could happen to your parents. This would upset the balance of life as you know it. It’s not something I need to worry about yet. They’re still working..they haven’t retired yet…we have much more time for that. Truth be told…now I’m going to give it to you straight….you don’t really have much time for it. Honest truth..ok do you really want to know the honest truth..The TIME IS NOW! I don’t mean to alarm you but… if you are knocking on 30 or are well over 30, the time really is RIGHT NOW! When they aren’t having any issues.. If they are having minor issues…if they are having major issues!!

So what does that look like? Ok.no issues…how about my parents are avid travelers they go on vacations..they text me and face time on occasion..they are working and we go over for holidays..everything is gravy! MINOR ISSUES…they take 1 or 2 Rx meds..get themselves to their doctor’s appointments and for the most part following doctors orders.. MAJOR ISSUES ..they’ve had an event-hospital stay, challenging diagnosis, and having trouble navigating things at home. Things can easily move from one stage to another quickly.. From No ISSUES to MAJOR issues in a blink of an eye. Would you be ready for that? Do you know what documents you should have or where and if they have them? Do you know who their doctors are? Ok I’m going to stop here..I don’t want to overwhelm you..I can feel the stare of death upon me coming through the screen..as thoughts if how dare you make me have all of these feelings..right now!! I’m sorry – not really..but

I know this can be all too much. You’re thinking whoa..this has all gone way left..I’m not ready to deal with all this. In fact I don’t even know where to start. I’m sorry to have been so real..but what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t give you the Truth! So here’s what I’ve done..I’ve captured what your next steps are and put together a guide to get you started. Introduce you to the main things like what documents should I have in place..what should I be asking myself and asking my parents right now. Check out it the Caregiver’s Prep Guide. I know it can be a tough subject but think about, but just think how good you would feel if you already started to get some things together. Your parents would feel confident in knowing you have their back and you wouldn’t have extra things to worry about later on. Remember this is a journey and you don’t have to do it all now but you do have to do something. Check out the guide. Come back and let me know how it’s going.

Who’s Watching Your wallet? Top 5 Things to Look For When Choosing a Tax Pro

It’s tax season y’all and many of you have either filed your taxes or are getting ready to file them or maybe some of you are now challenged with helping your Mom or Dad file their taxes. Whether you visit your local tax preparer, use turbo tax to do it yourself (which has been my method for some time) –there comes a time when you need some expert coaching and someone knowledgeable on the ever changing tax laws. This current economic and political climate can vastly affect everyone’s financial condition positively or even negatively.

Perhaps you now have additions to your family –a child or an aging parent who can no longer handle their own affairs. Your Mom is a widow and she used to file joint with your Dad –so what do you do? This may be the time to build up your team with an arsenal of professionals that will keep you abreast of the things you need to know –changes in filing status and how to maximize your deductions when life changes due to an event. One of the key members of that team is a CPA or Certified Accountant. A CPA has taken extensive training to advise and consult on tax and accounting matters. They have passed the CPA exam and met state and other certification requirements. Sounds fancy right? Yep – so who would you want watching your wallet?

What key things do you need to know?

Does the CPA meet your needs?

What are their specialties?
Do you need one for your business or personal needs?
Are they skilled in estate planning?
Can they assist with financial planning?
Do you just want to prepare your return?
Do you want financial guidance on buying a house?
Would you like someone to guide you on retirement savings?

Do they make things easy for you to understand?

Can they advise you on complicated situations?
Are they knowledgeable in and can they easily explain topics in simpler terms?
Can they explain what will happen if you need to sell Mom’s house? Will this trigger a tax event?

Does their level of experience suit your needs?

Can they move through the cycles of life with you? Adulthood – Marriage – Children – Eldercare Issues
Can they do more than just prepare taxes? There’s nothing wrong with a tax preparer but you want someone certified and knowledgeable to provide advisement on taxes and all of the above!
Do you need help on tax implications associated with planning your estate?

Find out how they run their practice

Is it virtual or in-person?
How responsive are they?
Do they ask you a lot of questions?
How knowledgeable do they seem?
Do they care about your goals, spending habits and future plans?
What are their fees? Is it hourly or by the job?

How do you go about finding a CPA?

Ask for recommendations from family, friends or business associates. Interview them – schedule a consultation and find out about their education and experience just as you would if you were researching a doctor for your Dad’s medical condition. Consider going to someone who’s seasoned –not necessarily someone who may be just starting out. For example, if you are caring for an elder –someone who has experience in estate or eldercare issues would probably be a good fit. Be aware of what you need – go armed with a list of questions, necessary documents and observe how they interact with you. Do your research and check out their background. You can verify their active license data on https://cpaverify.org/ which pulls information from the National Association of State Boards of Accountancy (NASBA).

So there you have it – Top tips for adding a trusted CPA as an essential member of your team.

By the way, getting a tax professional is not just about filing taxes, but setting yourself and your family to weather the shifts through life. It’s all a part of getting ready so you can stay ready!

Happy CPA hunting!

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What You Don’t Know About Caregiving

Most people don’t think that they are a caregiver or that this topic relates to them. However everyone is a caregiver. In the following video, I discuss this in more detail. If you have parents, kids, family members, friends or a spouse – guess what? You are a caregiver! Anyone who helps out someone that they care about is a caregiver and it’s not just limited to someone taking care of the elderly.

I recently did a Facebook Live Series called “Conversations with a Caregiver” focused on “Getting Ready To Care. In Day 1 of the series I went over what a caregiver is and how you can get better prepared for the present and the future so you can be of service to your loved ones. I’ve found that many have different ideas of how this topic relates to them.

I learned a lot in this role as a caregiver over the years and have come to the realization that the earlier you start thinking about planning for the future and start having the conversation with your family the better it is for everyone. Check out the video to learn more.

Now that you’ve had a chance to learn about what a caregiver is, do you think you are ready to start the conversation with you family about their future life plans? I would encourage you to just begin the conversation with your family. Don’t wait until something happens to start this talk. To help you get started, I’ve created The Caregiver’s Prep Guide. The prep guide includes a self assessment to walk you through the questions to ask yourself to get prepared and evaluate what you are already doing and what may be necessary in the future. To find out more visit https://bewellbeswell.com/caregiversprep to get your guide